They say a mind is a terrible thing to waste..... Well, sometimes it's a talent behind that mind that is getting wasted. I feel this to be true sometimes for me. This isn't going to be a sob story or a woe is me type situation, but just overcoming your obstacles.
The things that are hard for some come are simple for me and vice versa. I know how to move and grove and be independent as an adult. I know how to maneuver, hustle, and make $0.10 into $10. Those type of logical 1,2,3 step things just happen for me. I know how to talk to people, read a situation and then decide what type of player I'm going to be.
I'm great at doing things and adapting to things that are outside of me. However, when it comes to the things I have within in me I always have this small voice of doubt in the back of my mind. Now as I've gotten older I've learned her voice and when she tends to appear. She's the product of years of various struggles. She's the voice that has gotten me through hard things yet also the same voice that kept me from a lot of great things. She's even teased me having allowed me to see how great I can be.
I say this all to get to the point that I'm sort of in limbo. I see the end of the tunnel yet I don't really know if I've moved closer to it. Sometimes you have to learn how to get out of your own way. I know my triggers and yet they're still my triggers, that sometimes infuriates me. It's like this is what's wrong and this how you fix it, but in the process of fixing it you lose your cause because of unimportant distractions.
I may be rambling a bit, but these are my thoughts after an intense rehearsal. I always reflect after a class or rehearsal, and kind of gauge where I am and how far I still need to improve. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but it's even worse when that wasted mind is wasting talent. That voice has built a high wall for me and I should not be giving it power by speaking on it, but I should also not stuff it back down in the recesses of my mind.
There's this new philosophy that I have been attempting to adapt into my psyche. To allow the emotion to occur, experience it, and then release it. I have never been a die-hard Beyonce fan, however when she said that things just clicked. I need to feel these things and then channel it in the right direction instead of stuffing them down into my core energy. This is one part of what I talked about the other day's post about learning to hold my space.
I just need to express these thoughts so I could sleep. Sweet dreams guys!!! Thanks for tuning in....
xoxoxoxoxox
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