Live and Let Live....

Last night, better yet yesterday, was interesting to say the least.....

The major lesson I learned yesterday was to just let things go and don't dedicate energy to unnecessary, uncontrollable, and unimportant things bother me. Things happen and don't happen for a reason in my book.I don't allow myself to be crushed by everything that falls through or doesn't pan out like I want it too. Of course I'm human and I get disappointed, but my life doesn't stop there.

I allow the emotion. I experience it.... then I let it go. I'm getting better and better at doing this quickly. I don't really have anytime right now to lose my focus. I know where I'm going and I know what I will be doing in my near future. I have a clear vision.

"Action without vision is only passing time, vision without action is merely day dreaming, but vision with action can change the world."

- Nelson Mandela

I know that there may be some not so perfect moments in my life and I'm okay with that. It's my journey and no one else's.... That's why I take cues from other people, but don't expect my journey to be a carbon copy of someone else's. I take everything with a grain of salt because everyone has a story. Their thoughts, emotions, feelings etc. come from somewhere right? I just look at the experience and the opportunity they were presented and that I'm presented and work from their. Their experience is really of no concern to me because it's all in your energy and mindset.

I say this all to remind myself that this is my journey and to enjoy the rough patches and the process.

Good morning!

Neglect.

I know that you guys may feel like I'm neglecting you, but I'm not. lol... My schedule has been HEC-TIC!!! I am at a desk from 8a until about 5p and then off to teach, take class, do a promo or hit the gym Saturday to Saturday... A lot of the time it's all 4 in one day...... So when I get to work the next morning... I'm a drone.

My brain is turned all the way off and I am no good at writing any kind of update to my life. BUT!!! I'm getting better with it. I'd like to be more consistent with it, but I also really want to have something to say to you all. I don't want to post just for the sake of posting.

I popped in here so late in the day to let you know that I am still breathing and am still moving and grooving... I've just had a real few days... I will start vlogging more though... That may make things easier for you guys to keep up with me and what's going on. Thanks for tuning in and don't forget to donate whatever you can to my LA Fund.

This week... *face smack*

I'm looking at my calendar like O_o.... "Okay, *deep sigh* let's go!"

 I just need a good solid night of sleep. That's what I'm shooting for tonight, because tomorrow is going to be a doosey. I have a photoshoot that popped up on me that's tomorrow, and I have a long promo shoot tomorrow morning into the early afternoon.

I'm very excited about it yet I haven't really prepared properly for it.... So tonight!!! That's going to be my preparation time... I'm really geeked about it... Any------way... Here's my first vlog!!! Enjoy!!!

Man.... I am surprised EVERY single time!!!!

Sheesh!!! Thoughts are are actions... Whether they are you creating them or not... LOL! What I mean by is what you concentrate your attention on and want is EXACTLY what you friggen GET!!! Today for instance... I have just been thinking about the future and how I need to stack a little more bread for LA....

I put out into the universe THIS MORNING that I wanted to do more promos/subbing.... And what happens... I go on lunch and come back and in my email sits a request for me to sub a class TONIGHT... Now where I'm teaching I've never taught there before nor ever been there period. The only reason why I was asked to sub was from an dancing friend that works there. I haven't really talked to her in a few months and we talk occassionally about a job in the fall. 

I get an email saying that she found my resume submitted online and saw who my reference was. My reference works there and needed a sub. LOL! By the way, my reference wasn't the one that contacted me first..... 

Now, I know some of you may be thinking.... "that's nothing, but God." ... eehhhh... I don't really think so... Not in the religious sense.... I don't really believe anymore in organized religion/thought.... I look at the bigger picture and have the standpoint of their being an overall energy that we're all connected to. The bowing... knelling, incense...etc. I don't play into... To each is own....

What I'm trying to say is that your energy and the universe are directly connected.... NOT indirectly.... Directly.

Whatever you put out you get back good or bad.... In all actuality the universe doesn't know any different. It just gives/ provides what you push out of your being.... I know, I know.... This all sounds crazy, and well you may not agree. So! What I'm saying is that as of the last 6-7 months the things I've wanted and concentrated on have materialized... I haven't prayed. I haven't wished. I haven't hoped. I have a resolve that this is something that I want and I already have it I'm just waiting for it to show up in front of my face.

It is starting not to surprise me anymore, but more so tickled on how quickly it happens.... It's really scarey.... Wait, that's the wrong word to use... I don't want it to be scarey.... It sends an affect of something being scarey.... It sends a chill down my back... That chill when your body is excited... Yep! That's it!

That's only one little situation that I chose to share with you. It's actually happening to me all the time so that's where most of my resolve comes from. I know this sounds like a rant, but hey... THIS IS MY BLOG.... SOOOOOOOOO.... I hope you enjoyed it!

.....

Man... having a center is VERY important. Pain is the body's way of releasing weakness. So....with that said I am sore as fawk! LOL! But no, seriously... I have to say that I'm learning to chose my battles and just keep myself focused.... I never mind anything that's going to take my focus away from what I'm here to do. I realize that their are no prefect situations and that you should learn from EVERY situation.

I am and have been developing in several areas in my life that I never had before. Things that would have broken me in the past are no longer a factor when it comes to my energy. I know what my spirit is supposed to feel like and when it's off I make avenues to correct them. I'm stronger than I used to be both literally and figuratively.

I'm  also starting to put my past accomplishments in the forefront of my mind, so that I strengthen my foundation. I am so use to being on that treadmill of accomplishing things and then immediately archiving my them. I even use to have a standpoint that those that dwell on the past are stuck there...

You know what I'm talking about.

Those certain individuals that live in their "hay day" and are no longer living in their present. That's the reason I don't hold on to my current and past accomplishments for very long. I need to reassess that philosophy.... Well anyway.... Happy Humpday!!!!

I Literally Just Woke Up....

I've been at work since 8a this morning... However, me actually waking up did not occur until about 20 minutes ago, which was about 2p. Yeah... My brain was switched off for a bit..... I actually had to leave the office and take a quick walk around the campus to actually wake up....

The last few nights I've been up EXTREMELY late.... I'm slightly exaggerating due to it actually being 1a or 2a when I actually fall asleep. That's not bad right?!?!?! No, I'm getting right back up at like 6:30a and this body of mine is sore child! I'm not complaining or anything I just look real crazy most of the morning.... Funny thing is I may not look any different in my appearance other than my eyes being red but the hair, face, and outfit is done... same as usual....

I'm actually in the process of uploading a vlog from yesterday!!!

Yahhh!!!!! Woot woot..... *does snake* I know I have been promising you a vlog for a while now, but it's crazy trying to fit it into the hustle and bustle of everything.... I'm just now starting to figure out how to work iMovie on my iPad... So, please be patient with me.... I should have just gotten an MacBook air and called it a day.... I didn't do enough research on it and didn't know it was considered as a mobile device and not an actual computer... Womp.... I'm trying to resist getting a MacBook at this stage in my life.... I have way more  important things to spend my money on... you know... like clothes... LOL! But no seriously... I need to be keeping a stash for food and housing for LA....

Speaking of funding... Please jump over to my page on http://www.gofundme.com/LA-Fund and give whatever you can!!! Thanks in advance!!!

Memmh...

So I'm gearing up for a week full of dance. I'm so excited for all of these opportunities that are turning up for me. I have never been so amped about a Monday in my life.... I mean the fact that I can fit more dancing into my schedule makes me VERY happy.... It's not that I couldn't before it's just easier now that I'm not teaching as much...

No shade to teaching though... I just love is being the student more than the teacher... It's just less things to worry about. All you have to do is dance.... I love the solitude of going into a class and getting my mind right to give it everything I have. I watch myself improve and just get into it. That is the calmest my mind is all day.

I  have a dirty little secret to share with you though... I really get a kick out of shuffling from studio to studio... class to class... It's just something about the bustle of it that gets me going... So with that said I'm  looking forward to doing some studio hopping this week. Of course I will pop up at Pinx a few times, City Studio for potentially a Hip Hop or Modern class, Famous Fresh Studio and see what that Hip Hop Heels is talking about... Hopefully, a rehearsal will pop up somewhere during week I miss dancing with certain energies, and I may even shoot across the water to BEDA... I haven't been there in such a LONG time. I like my options right now. Just a few years ago I wouldn't have had a clue of where to go or who held great classes.... St. Louis is really starting to put itself on the map. Makes a girl like me VERY  happy.

I know there are a few more studios I didn't, but those that I have experience with or am familiar have peaked my interest the most. Hopefully I can get a few vlogging videos up so you can see things through my lenses.... We'll see how this turns out.

"Dope" by Anthony "Redd" Williams

In case you haven't seen this... "Dope" by @Anthony Redd Williams... Get into it!!!! View on YouTube if it's not populating on this post... I just thought you should have seen this gem.

DON'T FORGET!!!!

Help keep my yellow behind in LA!!!!

So I just wanted to remind you that you can donate at anytime.... I am definitely taking the right steps to keep me in LA, however every little bit helps and counts!!!!! So donate a $5, $10, $100 WHATEVER!!!!

I appreciate EVERY cent!!! Let's get to $3,000!!!!

Thanks in advance!!!

http://www.gofundme.com/LA-Fund

A few moments from my weekend.... Keek!!!

Kansas City Bound!!! About to chill something terrible... I was tired bootz in this photo.

My initial Keek when I got on the road RIGHT after work... Traffic blues. Can you tell that I'm tired?!?! LOL!!!! With my one earring on..... #ratchetkeeking....

Jun 14, 2013 | Too turns up.. . Smh by DesaraiMonae on Keek.com

If you guys didn't know I used to be a HUGE Mariah Carey fan... lol... This was me feeling it as I got into KC.... By this time I'd been in the car for about 3 hours and was all into my music... Ha! A mess.

Jun 14, 2013 | So, I'm channeling Mariah.... Get in... I love this song... by DesaraiMonae on Keek.com

Relaxed boots!!!! Sucha a good weekend!!! I did absolutely nothing except cuddle and hit the gym. Sometimes that's all you need in life is to just be still and held for a little while. Obviously, this doesn't occur normally in my everyday life so I soaked it all up..... Can't wait to do it again!!!

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That just put a huge smile on my face!!!!

The idea of me leaving in 54 Days keeps a smile on my face..... I know that I don't have that much of time left before I'm on the road west, but at the same time I feel like it's taking FOREVER!!!! Yes, I know. I should be patient, BUT that's not what my heart and mind are saying to me. They are already there... My physical is still here.... I'm doing everything that I can to prepare myself and my situation....

When I posted a few weeks back about moving by leaps and bounds I was not kidding.... I need to see improvement at every turn and event... I'm not kidding about this... I have set goals and know where I want to be in a year. The world is at my finger tips so why not strive for the stars... I'm so amped you have no idea!!!!

I'm trying my hardest to start vlogging for you guys so you can get my in the moment reactions, but momma is in a whole other world sometimes when I leave a rehearsal or class. The last thing that I'm thinking about is vlogging..... I use that time to process what has just happened.... what I can improve on... how I felt certain moments... where/when I need to push myself... staying in that moment.... It's all about staying in that moment and going for it all....

I will start working on the vlogging though so you can get a small glimpse of my world as I experience it. Happy Monday guys!!! I love Mondays!!! Why!?!?!?!? .... Because I get to start my dance week ALL OVER AGAIN!!! You know you love it!!!!

Hitting the road!!!

I so can't wait to get off work TA-DAY!!!! As soon as 4:30p hits all you will see is the dust spewing from the back of my car as I head down the freeway!!! Chile I must get to my boo!!!! Ha! I am ready to drink, sleep, relax, eat, and snuggle... Man... ain't that wat a girl needs!!! Turn up!!! 

Can you tell I'm excited??? Here's a moment of us... Love this guy!

Honey Boo Boo... Child!

I write to express my thoughts and emotions.... I write to get things off of my mind and out of my energy....

And honey today... I gotta get this "I want to mush her in the face" feeling out of my being..... This is not a normal situation for me to be in nor a normal way for me to react. HOWEVER, when I am tired and hungry you should just let this sleeping lion lye. Now I know what you are thinking.... How could she know that you are sleepy and tired? That's not the point.... My issue is her coming to me over petty things and going H.A.M. over these insignificant things. (Sidenote: I wouldn't actually mush her... It just makes me feel better to think about getting that energy out on her. :D)

I don't deal with dramatic people/characters... I love a person with personality, but don't deal with any unnecessary dramatic antics... I simply don't entertain the mess. When I get bored I will entertain drama via some ratchet television show... lol... That's as far as it goes for me.

The reason why I get so irritated/offended because I take it personally. You are currently wasting my valuable time and energy. I mean that last statement with all my heart. I DON'T like for my time nor energy to wasted on silly and petty things. I get real irritated and will give you the biggest seat I can carry.

I had to stop myself earlier from going into my boss' office and giving her back the energy she put off on me... I was serious about to give her a serious ki/seat. My reply to her insignificant and unwarranted reprimand would have made her feel a certain kind of way about herself. I would have remained polite and light toned but the words would have been slightly sarcastic in nature. I've been holding my tongue with her for a VERY long time. I have a little over a month left here so I take solace in knowing that this is only temporary.

She is the one that will have to live in her insecure space with her insignificant thoughts and feelings....*raises eyebrow and puckers lip* ....... I know that was a little harsh, but who gon' check me boo! Ha! I'm kidding... well, sort of... But for real, you have to give respect to get it. Plain and simple. I am corridual, but I don't like the hoe *pops gum* ... lol... I had another hood moment... But, in all seriousness I do NOT entertain that type of bs in my personal life and for damn sure am not taking it in my professional life. I be trying not to cut the bitch off in the middle of her sentences, but that hoe is close to getting a mush. Real talk.... (I know I keep going from normal to hood but that's because my filter is turned off due to fatigue).

That felt great guys! Thanks for letting me getting that one off... I giggled when I reread this post. I hope you got a chuckle or two out of it.

58 Days and COUNTING!!!!!!!!!!!

*does snake* I am sooooooooooooooo excited!!! My roommate just gave me so much life last night.... She was asked to go to on a random trip to the woods for this Woodstock -like concert..... That energy of: "I was asked to go today.... I'm jumping on the Greyhound to get there... We're camping and swimming.... There's going to be lots of drinking... and when I get back I'm headed off to Mexico." Werk B-tch!!! Like seriously....

I was and still am VERY excited for her. I love that type of energy... To just pick up and go!!! Jeebus!!! That energy is so friggen intoxicating to me... you have no idea. It just reminds me of what I'm doing right now and how long I have until I'm in LA!!!! I'm excited to hear the stories and the debachery that's about to ensue... You're only young once right..... What's the rush in trying to settle down, have children, and a set future. I'm still in my 20's I want to seriously live. Not be irresponsible, but do the things that are unconventional and not be thinking about what someone else thinks I should be doing at this age.

I don't want to settle down and raise a family at this point in life. I'm still exploring me and the world. When I've seen all that I can see that's when I think that I will start embracing the half of life. However, with that said I will not have a family that is stuck in the mud and only lives in one spot. I want a vacation home, I want to take exotic trips with my family, and I want them to also see the world with me. No suburb life for me... No thanks! I'm good. I am a city dweller always have and will be. Nothing stationary for the kid.... I like constant movement.... Life is to amazing to be sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else's story. I enjoy creating my own. 58 Days!!!  -->

Quote of the day.

"Confidence. Wear the clothes, don’t let the clothes wear you."

Tinie Tempah (Musician)

 

Finding my focus...

Today I've really been trying to find my focus. I'm extremely sleepy and definitely did not want to get up this morning. It's amazing how my body reacts when I haven't danced the night before. It may also have to do with not having any caffeine in my system from the night before. lol. I don't really do to much caffeine in my day I just take a high dosage at least two times a day. The rest of the day is spent drinking water. I'm not really into drinking sodas or juices. Juices tend to leave a weird taste in my mouth! - pause -

Anywho.... I have been trying to focus ALL morning on something and it has been a real challenge. I'm that tired. I thought to do so many things, but couldn't stay focused long enough to really delve into it. I chose to write these thoughts out hoping that it would somehow fuse with my coffee, and I could somehow miraculously begin to focus. Yeah, that happened... -_- ....

Well it helped a little bit to focus my thoughts... Sorry if this post seems a little bit of a ramble I'm just trying to get my mind back on a level playing field. My mind is currently in auto-pilot. My exterior looks as though I'm engaged in the day here at work, but my mind is totally in another place. Again, I just wanted to get these thoughts out of my head so that this fog lifts. Stay tuned though.... Another post is coming...

Hey!!!! This little ramble as allowed me to start thinking about something I wanted to talk about last night. I would have written it last night,  but I needed to go to sleep. Stay tuned..... Oh and don't forget to donate to my LA  Fund!!!

The power of your thoughts.

Man.... The things that you say to yourself are powerful in the actions that you make both conscious and unconsciously. I am starting to hit my stride. I don't know how many of you have ever ran track, but you know that feeling as you are finishing rounding the curve and leveling out. After you've leaned in and begin to hit the straight away... Yeah... I'm right there. I'm beginning to finish the curve right now. I'm yearning to hit my stride. It's coming, and it's coming soon. I can feel it.

It's funny how you clear some things can be yet others there's this cloud that encases it. I'm fanning away the smoke at this point. Sometimes, I can get in my own way by thinking to much, which has been a gift and a curse. When I get it, I get it. My brain is working so much and so hard sometimes I don't necessarily take the time out to really figure out what I'm missing. This is especially true when it comes to dancing... There may be a part or two that I don't fully understand, and unfortunately fail to ask for clarification due to my attention being on everything else within the routine.

It's funny how the mind works. It's a lot that goes on in my brain, and I think I've figured out to think, but not think. I know you are sitting there thinking "girl, whet?!?" I'm completely serious though.... While dancing, you need to have a level in your mind that you stay. It's not quite thought, but you're not quite brain dead/turned off. You can't be having a conversation with yourself or thinking about what's next necessarily. For me, I can't space. I have to be VERY present. I have to be in between each moment. When I'm dancing there is no concept of time just the space I'm in at that moment. So, when I randomly look up at the time during a water break I'm shocked (I don't know why I should be used to it) by how long I'd been dancing when it only felt like 15 minutes.

That present moment is what I call being in the vortex. Some of you may understand what I'm talking about, and have been tracking with me on that topic since my first post. That vortex is something major if you can really understand it and know how to just be there and allow it to happen. It's crazy how much I've developed in sensing when I'm in and out of the vortex. I look for cues that I'm in the vortex all the time. It'll do that when you're in it... Some see this kind of moment as being a coincidence or God showing up. I don't like those connotations, but I'm just trying to help you understand where I'm coming from.

I don't have an issue with religion. I just don't really agree with the ideology or philosophy of some separate entity having fully control of your life and you're just playing a part in it.The concept of being in the vortex and vibrating things (Being -not believing or wishing- what you want or having) is that you attract EVERYTHING that is in your life and that's happening to you. There is no outside entity that has caused what is currently occurring. You are the root.

I say this all to say watch your thoughts. Even the ones you aren't conscious of initially. I have realized that and my life has changed and is changing in SUCH an amazing away. I attribute that all to my positive and encouraging mindset, and also taking responsibility for my life and everything that occurs in it.
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Last night....

THE COFFEE JUST KICKED IN!!!!  YEAZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!

Last night's class felt AMAZING!!! I'm extremely excited about the rest of the week. Today I'm going to try and hit a few dance classes at the Famous Fresh Studios. Hopefully my rehearsal for my show on July 6th is early enough that I can hit another rehearsal later on in the night... LOL! Yeah I know..... 

*Kanye Shrug* 

But that's just what I want to do. It may seem like a lot and sometimes it can be, but when you love dancing like I do it's nothing... You just grab an energy drink and you focus. 

Focus was all that held me together last night.... When I say I was hot chile.... I was hot. No A/C and about 15 other hot bodies dancing around you and you have to go hard like them.... -ish got real.... MY behind decided I wanted to channel Trench of Naughty by Nature and I had on sweats and a beanie... #Fail ... Can we say pruney-bootz?!?!? I would have danced naked if I thought I would be less hot. It was cooler outside than it was in the studio... and this was around 10p at night. I'm not complaining I'm just letting you know what the real is.

I'm so thankful that I love water and got hipped to potassium pills... I started having a small problem w/ to much soreness and catching a lot of charlie-horses. Not for the kid. I have to keep myself in tip top shape b/c I do have to still get up the next morning and go to work.... That wakeup is the struggle sometimes.... Luckily I didn't put up curtains in my room..... The sun shining in helps me to actually get up. If my room was pitch black I wouldn't make it.... I'd also like to send a quick shoutout to the coffee machine in our office... double shot of espresso in my coffee every morning does the trick.

I say all to so say... HAPPY WEDNESDAY!!!!

Practice makes perfect...

Morning!

Soooooooo, last night's rehearsal was a real.... This is the playing field for me, and I am continuously realizing it. I have to keep myself aware of the stage, literally and figuratively, that I'm on. This helps me stay focused, grounded, and hungry. I'm shedding that feeling of contentment and comfort. Those types of spaces make me get to relaxed.

Now, I don't mean that I'm not happy or passionate about what I'm doing, but when I get comfortable I get relaxed in a few areas. Last night was a little bit of an eye opener. I know this though. I won't make the same mistake twice. You will only have to tell me something once and won't have to tell me again.

Practice makes perfect right..... More work needs to be put in. Even with my day jam packed I will still find some time to do what I need to do.

I'm looking forward to my show on July 6th. This is going to be a big stage that I'm hitting and I'm ready to be back there. I can't stand rehearsal, but I love to be on that stage. I know that I can't have one without the other, but it's just the energy of that crowd, the music, and the people I'm dancing around that gives me so much life.

I haven't hit a major stage in such a long time and I miss it! I miss getting all glammed up and into costume to put on a show. Dancing in the mirror only does so much for me.... I need a hit.... I need that stage.

So I must prepare prepare prepare. There's a serious focus that's coming over me. I'm tired as all get out, but that has no bearing on what I want and what I'm doing. You'll sleep when you're dead! Eye of the tiger!!!

This is my beastmode. -->

Sooooooo... I've been running....

I have picked up running again, and for the past few weeks it's really helped center me. I'm up to 4 miles right now in 45 minutes (not to shabby). I'm starting to push myself each time to run to go even further/longer. There's just something about running in Forest Park. Headphones on, the path in front of you, and no where to be but there. I enjoy this time the most.... I  go with friends occasionally, but I prefer to go by myself. This is actually becoming a new habit. It just does something for my spirit and energy. To be out there with the beautiful scenery and just be with myself is very soothing.

For the past few months I have been in this mode of having to always be somewhere and completing something. It's just been this consistent go go go reality and I've missed my moments to myself. These runs allow me a moment to myself. I'm not concerned with what's going on in the rest of my world, but what's going on in the moment at hand.

I have tons of time to reflect on what's happened in the last few days and also dream. Now don't get me wrong the run can be a bit taxing, but that's a part of it. I'm no marathon runner, but I can hold my own.

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By Leaps and Bounds....

Man... The power of the mind!!! I am really trying my best to get into vlogging while I'm at rehearsal or class, but it's just so hard to do so when I'm  in the moment. I want you guys to experience it with me, but that is proving to be a real struggle. Last night's was a great class.... I mean the energy was there. The sweat was DEFINITELY there, and the difficulty is always there. Redd can throw some serious choreography at you consistently. I have yet to meet a person that can just come in his class and pick it up without sweating.... That's not an option. Great mind.

I can tell that everything is improving for me.... My focus can get a little off when I get too hot or tired. Pinx Dance Academy can get really hot at night with 80 people dancing in there. It really makes you channel your energy and focus while dancing in that studio. There's only water and a dream there for you there. No comforts of A/C or consistent ventilation, that's not real life to me. No studio has a perfect atmosphere. You shouldn't be looking for that. You're just going to sweat, period, the more the better. I don't mind it though. I can usually eat what I want because of these type of workouts.

Anyway.

After a few nights of reflection of my craft I've noticed a real change in my abilities. I don't need a validation from someone else of what is happening I just see it and feel it. Why the change?!?! No idea, but it's occurring in leaps and bounds. I could speculate that it has something to do with me leaving for LA soon, but who knows. I just know that I am going to look completely different from now, the start of June, to the start of August.

I just wanted to pop in this morning and share a few thoughts with you guys. I'll be posting all day so stay tuned... By the way don't forget to donate whatever you can to my My LA Fund! Thanks in advance.

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My Natural HAIR!!!!

My other hair and reaction to my last class at Michele's School of Dance. http://www.keek.com/!gBFucab

Jun 8, 2013 | My other hair and reaction to my last class at Michele's School of Dance. by DesaraiMonae on Keek.com

New bootz!!! - Literally.

I can not wait for these bad boys to come in the mail chile.

by Charles David

Until yesterday, that was probably  the first time that I've seriously danced in heels.

(O_O) 

Yes, I know. 

In the past I've gone out numerous of times with sky high heels on, but it was a limited number of hours in them and I wasn't dancing the ENTIRE time.... I'll have to admit it was damn crazy!

I think I was in rehearsal for maybe 3 hours or so.... And these toes were not the happiest of campers. The heels I had on were NOT cutting it, so I had to scoop up these girlz. Now I know what you're thinking... they're basic.... Well, that's exactly what I needed. That's the whole concept for dancing behind an artist. Simple yet cute clothes to let your personality and choreography speak for itself.

Secretly rehearsal and dance classes are the places where dancers get their life when it comes to outfits.... I know that I do. Here are a few I just found, and fair warning their all selfies... lol.

My LA Fund!!!

Soooo as you guys may or may not know I have setup an account on this fundraising site. It's COMPLETELY legitimate. I've already dontated to myself (to see if it works), and so has both friends and family. 

This fund was setup for me to be able to remain in LA and sustain myself once I'm there. I'm already taking proper steps to set myself up, but I also need you guys help! Donate WHATEVER you can... Whether it's something that folds or something jingles it all works for me..... Give whatever your can AND as often as you are able. 

I normally don't ask for this type of help in such a public setting, but hey.... what the hell. Feel free to chat me up, forward the page to other friends and family, and last but not least donate. This helps me keep you guys updated with what's going on with me so that once I get to LA I won't have to work at 80 different places to cover living expenses. 
I just want to give you guys a little more information just in case you were wondering. Thank you guys for tuning in, and I'll be posting a lot more in the next few weeks! 

xoxoxoxo

Here's the link: My LA Fund

Then and Now...

Originally composed February 27th, 2010

"For the past few years I've dedicated a tremendous amount of time in thought about my life and constantly reevaluating myself as a dancer.... I can only speak for myself, but I'm pretty sure that other dancers have this same sentiment.

I don't question my talent per say  but whether I have enough in me to out do this and that bitch.... Outlast that bitch if it kills you! Now I know that that may come across harsh but that's how I feel about other dancers... It's not a personal judgment of their character but that they are going for what I was put on this earth to do ....so 

I'm not gonna be polite about it... If you step on the dance floor w/ me I'm going for necks....... I'm specifically gunning for major veins... Real Rap!”

*Flavor Flav Voice* 
Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wow wow wowwwwwww!!!!

These were the life and times of Desarai Monae. 

I think when I killed my alter ego the spirit of her died along with her..... smh....

 I wrote the above piece well over 3 years ago February 27th, 20101 to be exact. Where has the time gone and what happened to this mentality? It’s not completely gone, but it’s not on this level... Wow! I'm currently sitting thinking about how turned up I USE to be....

Man! I'm such a granny now.... I use to live on THEE edge! I need that young 20 something spirit again.
I know that it's still in me I just need to tap back into that energy. Here are some photographic highlights....

I just went completely dormant... Like hermit mode 100% .... I know that I got really focused, but that also made me lose some of that organic free spirited energy. I have been trying to put my finger on that thing that I lost and this is it. I'm getting back to this asap. Man I had so much fun!!! Welp! Enjoy the photos guys.

Midnight moments.... (Part 1)

Written at 12:04a

They say a mind is a terrible thing to waste..... Well, sometimes it's a talent behind that mind that is getting wasted. I feel this to be true sometimes for me. This isn't going to be a sob story or a woe is me type situation, but just overcoming your obstacles.

The things that are hard for some come are simple for me and vice versa. I know how to move and grove and be independent as an adult. I know how to maneuver, hustle, and make $0.10 into $10. Those type of logical 1,2,3 step things just happen for me. I know how to talk to people, read a situation and then decide what type of player I'm going to be. 

I'm great at doing things and adapting to things that are outside of me. However, when it comes to the things I have within in me I always have this small voice of doubt in the back of my mind. Now as I've gotten older I've learned her voice and when she tends to appear. She's the product of years of various struggles. She's the voice that has gotten me through hard things yet also the same voice that kept me from a lot of great things. She's even teased me having allowed me to see how great I can be. 

I say this all to get to the point that I'm sort of in limbo. I see the end of the tunnel yet I don't really know if I've moved closer to it. Sometimes you have to learn how to get out of your own way. I know my triggers and yet they're still my triggers, that sometimes infuriates me. It's like this is what's wrong and this how you fix it, but in the process of fixing it you lose your cause because of unimportant distractions.

I may be rambling a bit, but these are my thoughts after an intense rehearsal. I always reflect after a class or rehearsal, and kind of gauge where I am and how far I still need to improve. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but it's even worse when that wasted mind is wasting talent. That voice has built a high wall for me and I should not be giving it power by speaking on it, but I should also not stuff it back down in the recesses of my mind. 

There's this new philosophy that I have been attempting to adapt into my psyche. To allow the emotion to occur, experience it, and then release it. I have never been a die-hard Beyonce fan, however when she said that things just clicked. I need to feel these things and then channel it in the right direction instead of stuffing them down into my core energy. This is one part of what I talked about the other day's post about learning to hold my space. 

I just need to express these thoughts so I could sleep. Sweet dreams guys!!! Thanks for tuning in....

xoxoxoxoxox

Aparment Hunt!!!

I'm excited to announce that I've begun the process of apartment hunting!!!!! I'm so geeked about it. There are a few areas that I would not mind living in so if any of you know of any great rental properties in the areas I'm about to name PLEASE feel free to let me know. The areas I'm interested in are as follows: North Hollywood (Arts District or surrounding area) Burbank (South or West), Studio City, Hollywood, Sherman Oaks, eastern Van Nuys, Valley Village, Valley Glen, and Universal City.

I want to stay in the valley near all the studios and close to where the 405 and/or the 5. Anywhere I need to go I need to be able to get there quickly. Also, if you know anyone looking for a roommate I'm a great candidate! I'm really serious though. I'm never at my apartment and I am a very clean person but not OCD.

But anyway I'm looking forward to this move, but that this extremely LONG drive. I know of two people that have done it in the past 3 weeks and it's EXTREMELY motivating because there were only 2 drives. I'm sure me and the boo can gett'er done in a day, right?!?!? (He's probably giving me a side right now as he reads this...) I don't want to waste any time or money stopping... I'll do most of the driving if it comes down to that, but I highly doubt he'll put that type of heavy load on my should. We're in it to win it.

I see all this happening VERY soon.... He will help me get settled fairly quickly and it will be off to the races. I don't plan on taking to much stuff with me other than clothes, toiletries, a few kitchen items (just in case I get a 1-bedroom), my blow-up mattress, a set of bedding, and my dream. That's all I need right. The focus is my dream.... As long as I have heat/air, indoors, hot water, and food this chile is good. Bare minimums.

Sore Boots!!!

So a friend and I decided that we would run a few miles yesterday in Forest Park -_- . Cool right? No, my behind decided that I would go to night class a few hours later.... Chile, my legs.... It's a happy pain though, but still I'm feeling IT. I got up to use the restroom in the middle of the night of the night and thought that my legs were going to give out from under me. I need to go running more often and kick up my workouts!!! I have goals....

Jun 5, 2013 | After night class face... Hi guys!! by DesaraiMonae on Keek.com

I'm starting,"starting" being the keyword here, to get into Keek. I like the little short vids. I don't have my Mac yet so editing on my little netbook is out of the question and my iPad is not really any easier. So the full on vlog will just have to wait. 

But anyway, class felt great last night. I felt different last night. I really don't want to go into to much detail about it just know I feel more focused. There are some extremely amazing doors being opened for me right now and I'm jumping at every opportunity that fits and feels right. 

I have some amazing energies around my life that have donated to my LA fund, and I appreciate EVERY penny. Here's the link to My LA Fund. Please share this with any and everyone you know. I'm a young and talented person pursuing her dreams... Why not support it. Thank you guys so much for tuning in and going on this journey with me. Even though I'm by myself most of the time I know I'm not alone. I have wonderful people backing me. 

Happy Humpday!!!

LET THE COUTDOWN BEGIN!!! 67 DAYS!!!

 

 

Let the countdown  to LA BEGIN!!!

Sooooooo... I'm a woman of many abilities and EXTREMELY creative... I'm very into the newest and latest so why not explore all avenues. Donate to my MOVING WEST fund!!!! I'm so serious. We all know that Los Angeles, CA is a every expensive place to live in and every little bit counts. SO, I've enlisted my trusty internet skills to find this little do-hicky >>>> My LA Fund

This is an great way to help make sure I stay in LA and pursue my dreams. I am doing a lot on my end to make sure that I live somewhat comfortably there, but for those who would like to put some action behind saying that they support me and my dream here is a handy way!

click the link below....

My LA Fund

This is not spam or any type of scam. This site is legitimate. I have a few friends that have used this in the past to help fund summer trips, car funds, etc. So why not throw my hat in the ring and see what happens! I have a goal, but whatever I am gifted with is appreciated! With that said have at it! Tell a friend to tell a friend!

THANK YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!

xoxoxoxo

Learning to hold my space...

I recently uploaded a photo to my Instagram of a phrase...

Some of you may understand that phrase because you are on a spiritual path or have attributed some other meaning to it.... Instead of leaving you guessing I'll just tell you guys what I meant.

As of late I've been in isolation... Not because I don't get along with people or don't want to be around anyone, but getting into myself. Knowing what is for and not for me. Being grounded in what I want for me and okay with others opinions in what I'm doing or not, and still "hold my space." I am strengthening myself to be able to withstand anything that comes my way. I know that LA can be a jungle for some to navigate, and that all can stem from not holding ya space.

My space is tested sometimes, but I've come a long way in what I allowed in my space. I'm more conscious of it now and have to remind myself to stay in that little vortex. There's this calmness that happens, and I just go silent. No fussing, no accepting of bad energy or anything of the sort.

When I feel weird about a situation or how someone has approached me I "hold my space." I don't know if you all realize it but this is that quality that most successful people have. There's this calmness that is just in their energy, some may even confuse it as confidence... It's a peace that no matter the outcome you are still good with self. I'm learning this and I'm learning it quickly.

Frugality?!?!?

My Frugal-ness...

So this is about to happen.... My frugality is about to be extremely exercised in the next coming weeks... LOL!!! Like on some extreme coupon'er status. If it's not free or a VERY discounted rate ya girl is not fooling with it. 

This is such a change from my normal activities. I not a just throw it in the bag level, but I don't always look at the screen when that plastic card is swiped. Is that a bad thing?!?!?

Well, anyway I am about that life right now... I want a lot coming in and barely any going out. So your furganistas out there let me in on some money saving tips. I'm already on the couponing thing and also taking my lunch to work, but what are some other things that I can get into. Let me know. I'm so serious though!!!

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Good energy begets good energy.

Good energy begets good energy!!!! Be careful of the energy that you put out there because you will get that back exactly! Make sure the things that you want are the things that you visualize. I always get the things that I want because I simply already see myself with it. Try this out for like 3 to 4 weeks and see what happens. You will begin to see that the things your really focus on and work towards are the things that you actually get.

There's no point in complaining about the things that you don't have, because it's essentially you that are preventing you from getting them. Think about it. You keep telling yourself you are not going to get something and guess what happens..... YOU DON'T GET IT!!! Think about getting it without anytype of doubt and wallah! You have it! 

Crazy concept right?

No, I'm a firm believer in this. I wasn't always though. I use to wrap my wants and desires up with doubt and fear. I'm basically telling the universe this is what I want, but I don't actually want to have it. That's a quite confusing message to be putting out so of course your subconscious feels like it's stuck and almost powerless. You can't just wish or pray about it. You have to focus on it and put things into motion to get whatever it is..... I do this in my daily life. There are some things I still have to work on and work out, but I know that it all starts in my mind.

For instance, I want to lose a certain amount of weight by the end of August. At least 20 lbs or so... Some would say Desarai', where is that weight going to come, and express/press all of THEIR insecurities on me. I know me and I know my body. I know what it can and will look like.... So for those who have something you can have something to say.... I just don't allow that in. 

I figured I give a real example in my life since I'm in the sharing mood. Most people will give you all these abstract ideas and nothing real to compare your goals to. I thought I'd jump out of the masses and tell you guys one of my serious goals. I know that may seem a little outrageous to you, but this is MY reality. Nothing is outrageous to me.... I've seen so many people make the impossible possible so none of that nay saying exits in my mind. It's all possible. Whether you agree with it is not my problem.

*Kanye Shrugg*  It's all in what you make it.

Happy Monday!!!

HAPPY MONDAY!!!

Okay, so I am all moved in and semi unpacked.... Thank ya geebus!!! I am so excited to have shed that attachment.... I am free to go when I please at this point!!! I am so excited about this new feeling. I have nothing officially attaching me here to St. Louis. That is such a great feeling to have a huge signifier of what's to come. This is all about going on a journey... Yes I have an ultimate goal in mind, but I'm trying to enjoy the things along the way. I'm not going to say that my move was easy, but it was needed. 

I am such a planner and am always looking at the next thing, but when I was in it I experienced so much. It didn't hit me until the day of my move that I was moving out of my little cozy studio and into someone else's space. Yes, I do have my own room and privacy, but I was temporarily giving up my own for my ultimate goal. I know it was a little to late to be having these types of emotions since it was all in emotion, but I still had them. I had anxiety for all of 10 minutes and the thought of LA and this new found freedom quickly pushed that feeling out of my body.

I have learned not to hide or suppress my emotions, but to experience them, and most importantly, let them go. There is no use in holding on to emotions/feelings that are not beneficial to your spirit/being. This is not stated in some religious tone, but in a more spiritual sense. You have to be okay with self first before any of your dreams will come to fruition. I'm doing what my heart tells me to do and I'm learning how to be true to it each and everyday. We grow up being taught to doubt our instincts and to go with what the world has taught us, which is to be "logical." What is logical is not always what's best or what is right. I'm moving by my own beat and I hope your all are moving to your own as well. With that said.... HAPPY MONDAY!!!!